Let’s play a game. You’re completely monogamous…
- …except for that threesome in Vegas.
- …and the make-out session at Naughty N’awlins.
- …and that celebrity hall pass you’ve both agreed on.
- …and maybe that couple you’ve been flirting with on Feeld.
Congratulations. You’re probably a little more monogamish than monogamous. One of the funniest things about ethical non-monogamy is that everyone desperately wants a neat little label. Swinger. Poly. Open. ENM. Monogamous. But real relationships? They’re gloriously messy. Most couples don’t fit perfectly into one box, and monogamish is basically the relationship world’s way of shrugging and saying, “Eh… we’re mostly monogamous.”
Don’t forget to check out more newbie swinger advice in our Vanilla Swingers podcast.
What Does Monogamish Actually Mean?
Think of monogamish as monogamy with an asterisk *
* You’re committed to one another, but you’ve both agreed there are a few exceptions to the rule. Maybe that’s the occasional threesome. Maybe it’s swinging once in a blue moon. Maybe it’s kissing someone at a lifestyle party before heading home together. Maybe it’s simply having conversations that most monogamous couples never would. There’s no Monogamish Rulebook. In fact, that’s kind of the whole point. Every couple gets to scribble in the margins and decide what “mostly monogamous” looks like for them.
Wait… Isn’t That Just Swinging?
Sometimes. Sometimes not. That’s why this word is so handy.
Swingers can absolutely be monogamish. So can couples who’ve had exactly one threesome in fifteen years. So can the pair with a running joke that Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi are permanently laminated hall passes. Monogamish isn’t describing what you do. It’s describing the fact that your relationship has a little flexibility without throwing the whole rulebook out the window.
Honestly… Most Couples Are Probably Monogamish
Here’s my hot take. I think there are way more monogamish couples walking around than realize it.
- Ever joked about a celebrity hall pass?
- Ever said, “I’d be okay with a threesome… maybe”?
- Ever kissed someone at a party with your partner standing right there?
Congratulations. You’ve already wandered into monogamish territory. You don’t have to own a pineapple t-shirt or listen to an ENM podcast. Sometimes monogamish is just acknowledging that relationships aren’t always as black and white as we pretend they are.
Stop Obsessing Over the Label
One thing we’ve noticed after a couple of years in the lifestyle is that people spend way too much time trying to figure out what to call themselves.
- Swinger?
- ENM?
- Open?
- Poly?
- Monogamish?
Honestly… who cares? Your relationship isn’t healthier because you found the perfect label. It’s healthier because the two of you can have awkward conversations without someone sleeping on the couch afterward. The label is just a shortcut. The communication is the relationship.
Our Take
If we’re being honest, we kind of love the word. Not because we necessarily call ourselves monogamish, but because it gives people permission to admit they’re somewhere in the middle.
You don’t have to wake up one morning and announce, “Honey, we’re OPEN now!” Sometimes it’s just, “Hey… maybe we’d be open to exploring this together one day.” That feels a lot less terrifying. And a lot more real.
Related Lifestyle Terms
If you’re exploring the wonderfully confusing world of ENM, these are great next reads:
Final Thoughts
Can swinging rescue a dead bedroom? Sometimes. But not because another naked person magically fixes your marriage.
If it helps, it’s usually because it forces couples to communicate, reconnect and become intentional again. The flirting comes back. The honesty comes back. The curiosity comes back. And sometimes, that’s exactly what the relationship needed all along. The best swingers we know aren’t looking for someone else to save their marriage. They’re still choosing each other first. Everyone else is just along for the ride.
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Monogamish: A tantalizing twist on traditional monogamy, where a committed couple dabbles in a bit of playful exploration with others. It’s all about keeping the main relationship spicy while enjoying occasional, consensual fun on the side.
Monogamous: The OG relationship style – exclusive, committed, and, yes, a little BORING to some of us adventurous types. Monogamy means romantic and sexual connections are reserved for one partner at a time, with all passion focused in one direction.
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